- Clients
- Typography
- Designers
- User Interfaces
- Adobe
There once was a graphic designer
Who could not draw a straight liner
Fresh out of school
She thought she was cool
And soon was a cook in a diner!
There once was a trendy typesetter
Who thought “less is more is more better”
“I’ll sit here and scratch
at my tiny soul patch,
Until my design is one letter.”
There once was a UI Designer
Who thought a right-nav was more finer.
But users bemoaned
When they could not find “Home”,
And simply restarted their browser.
There once was a client so wiley
He asked for every source filey.
He’d edit them twice
And say “Now they’re nice!”
And we’d stare at him with a blank smiley
There once was a designer so immature
She had not yet heard of a ligature.
She’d kern “f” and “i”
And then make a sigh
While wishing for one nice clean character.
There was an “Adobe Updater”
Who’s button said “Update me later”.
Whenever we’d work,
It popped up like a jerk.
And so we are “Updater” haters!
A prominent button called “Home”
Caused UI elitists to foam.
“It should not be there!”
And they tore out their hair,
Then banged their heads on a big stone.
In Dreamweaver there was a bug,
But Adobe was silently smug.
“Pretend it’s not there!”
Said support with no care,
And swept the bug under the rug!
There once was a client so bozo
He thought he’d design his own logo.
He did it in raster,
And thought it was faster
Because bezier curves he did not know.
There once was client so lame
He flipped when he saw a wireframe
“The graphics are sparse,
And your firm is a farse!”
But we knew that this man did have no brain.
There once was a program called Freehand
It was the best tool in the whole land
But the software was sold
To Adobe the bold
And Freehand was soon no more at hand.
A designer with senses so fickle
He felt every unaligned pixel
“It’s off by a bit!
What are you a twit?”
And for lunch he ate ought but sour pickles.
There once was a blogging designer
Who said “I will sooner retire!
I’ll write blogs all day,
And sip my latte.”
But soon found his finances goner.
A program called Photo the Shopper
Was loaded with menus and slopper
“Just raise the price
to make naughty nice”
But users soon proved this a flopper.
Adobe the Great was a giant
To whom all it’s slaves was defiant:
“While charging more price,
I’ll make things less nice!”
And to this day all are compliant.
Great stuff, Douglas! If you don’t mind, I’ll pass this along to my readers.
I like to have fun with this stuff. I love the Catholic Charities fold-out piece on your site – super clever! Do you do “Catholic Marketing”? An entire post on Catholic or Christian marketing would be very interesting! We created a sub-brand called Handmaid Studio, but found that marketing in the Catholic sphere is more than challenging 😉 : http://www.handmaidstudio.com
I just love these clever limericks!
Simply too good! 🙂
Thanks for the laughs, also thanks to Smashing Magazine who tweetered the link.
He-he, True about our industry
Thanks Vitaly!
I like the “vocation” at handmaid. Interesting word choice, too, for a Catholic site since vocation typically refers to the priesthood.
I don’t do Catholic marketing. I keep my eye out for good marketing, and poo-poo the bad stuff. And I try to do all of this from a faith perspective.
I’ve been following your stuff since David Airey posted his hilarious logo design tutorial.
http://www.logodesignlove.com/best-logo-design-tutorial-ever
Keep up the good work!
“Beauty is the vocation bestowed on the artist by the Creator in the gift of ‘artistic talent’…. ”
That is the sense in which we use the term “vocation”, which is a quote from Pope John Paul II’s “Letter to Artists” from 1999
http://www.vatican.va/holy_father/john_paul_ii/letters/documents/hf_jp-ii_let_23041999_artists_en.html
I have heard, and agree, there is no such thing as a Catholic, or a Christian, or a Pagan artist – only good or bad art 🙂 I would agree, though one can find a niche that might be very narrow indeed.
I had a lot of fun on that logo tutorial, or rather, my little addendum to it. I also like to laugh at my own jokes, which is a problem, but I’m working on it.
“I have heard, and agree, there is no such thing as a Catholic, or a Christian, or a Pagan artist – only good or bad art 🙂 I would agree, though one can find a niche that might be very narrow indeed.”
I hear and agree with both parts of this statement.
Thanks for the link.
This definitely made my day!
Very nice rhymes. Many of these tales are oh so familiar to me.
I too am an Updater hater!
I’m an Installer Hater too, which is one of the reasons I dread the uprade to CS4. The CS3 upgrade took 12 hours! Adobe knows how to stick it to you!
I really enjoyed this.
Thanks Greg – glad you liked it! As a Doug, I get called Greg all the time, so I feel an affinity for every Greg I meet.
True 🙂
In addition I’m an updater-restarter hater. Mac users probably don’t have that problem, but Windows is killing me with this.
So many hours of work lost because of this dreaded “feature”.
A quick thanks to nicktalop, Amol, and Web Ideas for sharing your thoughts! I think this is the single biggest day for BonFX.com yet – I’m glad it was for a fun post.
Thanks of course go to Smashing Magazine and other twitterers (sp?) who spread the word.
Remarkable lines.
Thank you for your music.
Update: There is a T-Shirt available of the most popular limerick available at http://CafePress.com/bonfx so check it out!
I just came across this over at Swiss-Miss (http://www.swiss-miss.com/2009/11/design-limericks-for-your-amusement.html) about my golden verses:
There once was a Limerick writer,
Whose poems couldn’t be tighter.
His ideas were all class,
Until he tried to pass,
‘Browser’ as rhyming with ‘finer’
But I retorted:
There once was a dour commenter,
Whos time could not be better spenter.
He picked at my verse,
In a mood that was terse,
While ignoring his own sloppy meter!
🙂
All in good humor of course!
ROTFLOL ’till his knees hurt
One reader even made a small pee squirt
He thought for a while
Then said with a smile
“What I need is this verse on my T-shirt”
I somehow acquired the Complete Book of Nonsense when I was in grammar school. I loved it and must have read the limericks hundreds of times. I lost it along the way and then as an adult (or at least when I was older) found it in a bookstore and have it to this day.
Thanks for continuing the fun with your clever new versions!
Cheers, Dyann
Hi Dyann. I too came across it in grammar school, during “library time”. I loved the drawings as much, if not more, than the limericks. I found Lear’s irreverent and silly drawings very modern, in a certain sense. I didn’t think people back in the 19th century drew, much less conceived, such silliness. It has crossed my mind to illustrate these, but the to do list is rather long these days!
Doug, I Love this:
There once was client so lame
He flipped when he saw a wireframe
“The graphics are sparse,
And your firm is a farse!”
But we knew that this man did have no brain.
Experiencing it everytime I meet a client.
Shabbir Hussain – http://zahabcreativity.com
Doug, I Love this:
There once was client so lame
He flipped when he saw a wireframe
“The graphics are sparse,
And your firm is a farse!”
But we knew that this man did have no brain.
Experiencing it every time I meet a client.
Shabbir Hussain – Zahab Creativity
Hi Shabbir: I can’t tell you how many times I have heard “is it going to look like that?” and “what is all the latin and greek – is that going to change?”. I suppose they are valid questions if a client has never gone through a web design process before!
I enjoyed all of them. Thanks for sharing great Limericks. 🙂
Very nice rhymes. Many of these tales are oh so familiar to me.
I too am an Updater hater!
can i use some of this ones for a little invitation that im making?
@ bydaughters
Sure – I give you permission! If you can find a way to sneak a credit to bonfx.com I’d appreciate it, but it’s not necessary 🙂
I once had a wearer of inserts,
who would only wear them in short spurts.
I said “It’s no wonder,
Your corns are a-thunder,
You’ll just have to wear boots with your skirts!”
@ Orth: 🙂
So cool!!